Songs:Loretta And Bernadine (127086)

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1 Lyrics
2 Trivia
3 Tags
4 Listener comments and opinions
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Loretta And Bernadine
by Jamie Anderson (www.jamieanderson.com)
on album Three Bridges

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Length: 6:08

Lyrics

Bernadine got married before the second war
For a woman then, there wasn't much more
Than a house bought and paid for
A husband who was kind
Good friends and family, children on her mind

Then something happened in the middle of the night
Her husband grabbed his chest and said, "Turn on the light"
He was so young, there was so little warning
They did what they could but he didn't live 'til morning

It was then that Loretta moved right in
Bernie needed company and Loretta was a friend
Neither woman would have to be alone
Loretta warmed Bernie's heart and blessed her home

For many years, they lived together
Their love changed and grew and got so much better
Bernie had her work at the university
Together they had friends who were their family

Late last year Bernadine had a stroke
It was too much for Loretta's eighty years to cope
So she called Bernie's sister, said I can't care for her this way
I can't feed us both, can you come right away?

Bernie, I'm tired and I've gotten old
And I can't drive anymore I'm told
It hurts to tell you this after so much time
But you need a nursing home and some rest I need to find

Loretta looked at their fine possessions
Where Bernadine was going, she wouldn't need them
So she put some things in storage and kept her favorite chair
She packed Bernie's clothing and sold the silverware

Bernie's sister got mad and said, What did you do?
You're selling Bernie's things, they don't belong to you
After forty years, Loretta knew that wasn't true
Bernadine stayed silent, confusion shone through

The court battle lasted 'til early this year
The sister got the property, Loretta got the tears
Bernie settled into a small town nursing home
Her sister took over, leaving Loretta alone

The lesson is not that growing old is hard
But to trust in the family who won't leave you scarred
When you can't make choices of how you want to be
Prepare for the changes, who is your family?
Loretta and Bernadine

Trivia

(1992 Center of Balance) © 1990, BMI

Jamie: acoustic guitar and vocal, Earl Edmonson: acoustic guitar, Maureen Smiley: violin, Jane Young: cello

My grandma had boxes and boxes of old photos. When I came to visit I'd go through the cartons and ask her who all those people were. Sometimes she knew or I found the name written on the back. One faded black and white photo, probably taken in the 40's, had no caption. It was of a woman alone, holding a briefcase and gazing directly at the camera, her mouth in a set line, like she'd been too distracted to smile. "Who's that?" I asked Grandma. "Oh that's your Great Aunt Bernadine. You met her when you were a baby." After listening to Grandma reminisce about her, I figured out the part of my aunt's life that Grandma didn't see. I did my best with the story here, making up a few details to fill in the gaps. I found out later that I'd gotten a couple of the facts right even though Grandma hadn't told me. Maybe my aunt was peering over my shoulder as I wrote.

Bernadine was a nurse who married a disabled man; he passed away not long after they married. In the 40's no one thought twice about a widow living with another woman so I doubt that any eyebrows were raised when Loretta moved in. Bernadine went back to school and learned to be an optometrist. Grandma said something about her lecturing at a university too - maybe she was also a professor. Loretta kept the house while Bernadine earned a living to support them both.

I think it was around the time Bernadine had a stroke that Loretta starting selling their belongings. My family was angry because they felt she was stealing Bernie's things. I'm sure Loretta was afraid that she wouldn't be able to pay Bernadine's medical bills and that she'd be left homeless and without an income. My family put Bernadine in a nursing home in a little town in Michigan, far from her Chicago home. She passed away a few months later. Loretta moved to Florida where she had friends. I tried to find her in the 90's but never did. If anyone knows of Loretta O'Shay who lived in Florida around that time, I'd love to talk with you.

I don't want to paint my family as cruel. They didn't understand the relationship between the two women and heck, I don't know if I do either. They may have been partners or they may have simply been good friends. What I do know is that they were family to each other. I wish my family had respected that. I wish I'd have known about this before Bernadine passed away. In my heart of hearts, I think I might have been able to explain it to Grandma and maybe she would've stood up for them. Grandma was a very loving woman - giving the greatest hugs and quick to tell someone she loved them. She's gone now, as are the older members of my family who knew my great aunt.

This is for you, Bernadine. I hope you like it.